it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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