get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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