Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
