Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
