Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so let's talk penis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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