I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
