I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
