I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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