stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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