Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
