I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
