She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
