Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
