Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
