I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
