at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
