Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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