1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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