3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
