Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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