Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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