Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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