What did we do last night that was yellow?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
