What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
