i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i came on her dog
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize