So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
