You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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