I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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