maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
