Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
