Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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