Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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