He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
