shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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