Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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