Can Purell be used as lube?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
