Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
