you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
