So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
