I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
