drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize