Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
