Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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