I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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