I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
