you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
