Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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