I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize