remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
