I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
