lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
