How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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