ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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