Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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