Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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