I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
