6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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