After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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