everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
