Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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