i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
