did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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