She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
