He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
