Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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