he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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