I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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