so that wasnt chicken after all
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
