He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
