just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
