I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
BRING THE BAGELS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
