I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
