Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
