I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
