Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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