You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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