Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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