Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
