did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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