Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize