My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
