I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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