There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
