we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
