if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
