just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
