maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
