I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want to be your penis for a week.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize