never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
