this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
