Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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