dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
