When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
