the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
