Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
