i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize