i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I want is dick and wine.
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