i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
being pregnant is like rehab
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
