i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
