I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
