I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
