dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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