It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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