you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
