can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
