Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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