4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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