Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How naked do you want me to be?
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