there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
