Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
