All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
