i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
