It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize